


Life's Not Fair (pt. 2)

by tetskuroo



Series: Haikyuu!! Soulmates [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:07:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25195156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tetskuroo/pseuds/tetskuroo
Summary: Kuroo is trying to be okay after being rejected by his soulmate.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: Haikyuu!! Soulmates [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1736380
Comments: 8
Kudos: 72





	Life's Not Fair (pt. 2)

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2 to the other tsukiyama/kurootsuki fic I posted please go read that first or this won't make sense.

It had been a year. 

Twelve months since Kuroo had opened his heart to Tsukishima, twelve months since Tsukishima had shattered his heart into pieces. Twelve months since the reality of the situation had come crashing down on Kuroo that his soulmate was alive and happy, but he was alive and happy without him. Twelve months since the reality of his world had shifted into something he’d never expected. Twelve months since all the plans he’d made from his childhood were stomped into the ground. Twelve months since Kuroo had been able to go through the day without sudden dread overcoming him. 

It had been twelve long, agonizing months, and it didn’t seem to be getting any better. 

On the outside it was - he’d found a way to mostly hide how he was feeling. Everyone (save Kenma) was properly tricked by his typical smirk and banter, forgetting that for a while it was impossible to even get him to smile. He went to parties with his friends when all he really wanted to do was lie in bed and cry. He spent time with Kenma and the shrimp, with Bokuto and Akaashi, even though it always sent a pain through his chest to see them all together so happily - he longed for that.

His friends were always perfect, asking twice every time they did something to really make sure that Kuroo was okay with their plans. It was no different when the topic of Tsukishima and Yamaguchi hanging out with their group came up, and Kenma had pushed time and time again to make sure that Kuroo had thought about what he was doing. After two weeks of discussion, of Kuroo promising he was fine with it, reiterating that he didn’t want to make Yamaguchi feel left out, Kenma finally relented. It wasn’t always, but Tsukishima and Yamaguchi now received invites to their group functions, and Kuroo was fine with it.

He always showed up, always played the part of being okay, the life of the party. He was obnoxious and provocative as usual, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima no exception to his antics - that would be too obvious. No, instead he would exhaust all of his energy putting on a mask, pretending that he was okay. He would push until he was on the verge of sleep, and then he would leave the function early. Hugs and pats on the back all around, large smiles for everyone, and then he’d go home alone. 

Kenma was never far behind, and though Kuroo knew his best friend meant well it was tough for him to have Kenma follow him just for Hinata to be close behind. The devotion Hinata showed for Kenma hit close to home for Kuroo, and if it didn’t make him feel like he was going to vomit he might have laughed about it. Look at him, comparing himself to Hinata when they had nothing in common. Hinata had his soulmate - Kenma was happy with Hinata, wanted to be with Hinata, and Tsukishima wouldn’t even give Kuroo a chance. 

But it was unfair to think like that, and so Kuroo was trying his hardest to stop. It is hard when the feelings of inferiority from his childhood that he had fought so hard to get rid of were coming back tenfold, when his mental health was so fragile already that it was deteriorating now from the sole fact that his soulmate didn’t want to be with him. 

He didn’t want to be like this, and he was trying his hardest not to be. Some days were easier - he could make it through the day with minimal thoughts of Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. He could slap on a smile and sometimes it was even real and his mind was nice to him and things were good. They weren’t perfect, but they were good. 

Almost every night when he crawled into bed, though, his mood would plummet. He would be fine until he was faced with his empty bed, his cold sheets, the thoughts of Tsukishima in his own apartment with his own boyfriend, and then everything would go downhill. Tears would grow in his eyes some nights, but now it was mostly just nothing. He would lie awake and stare at the ceiling, sleep not gracing him until the early hours of the morning, or even not at all. Whether he was awake or asleep his mind was plagued by the same thoughts - what his life could have been like, with someone else as his soulmate, with Tsukishima if only the blonde had met Kuroo sooner. 

It had been twelve months, and though Kuroo was trying his hardest to be strong it was very, very hard.

*****

“You’re not sleeping again.” 

Kuroo stopped his movements, hands pausing in the motion of picking up his coffee cup. He knew this was coming - Kenma had been blissfully quiet for a few days now, and it was only a matter of time before he was to say something. After the shock wore off Kuroo continued raising his cup to his mouth, taking a large drink of the dark liquid. “I’m fine,” he said once his cup had met the counter again. 

He turned around, ready to flash Kenma a large smile, but he stopped when he saw the look on Kenma’s face. Now, Kenma wasn’t known for being expressive - he had a good poker face, and it wasn’t often that he let the facade down. But this morning he was looking at Kuroo with a look that broke the elder’s heart - concern. “I’m worried about you.” 

“Ken,” Kuroo said quietly, guilt overwhelming him. “I promise you I’m okay.” 

“You’ve been eating less too.” 

“W-Well it’s been getting really hot, so my appetite isn’t like usual.” 

Kenma looked unimpressed by the answer. “Kuro, you’re not okay.” 

Hearing it said so sure, so final made Kuroo feel sick, and suddenly he was regretting making a second cup of coffee. “I’m just being melodramatic.” 

The younger shook his head. “I don’t agree with that. What you’re feeling is real, Kuro. It is okay to be hurt, it’s okay to not be okay, but the way you’re dealing with it isn’t okay.” 

The look on his best friend’s face was killing him. “It’s just a bump in the road, I’m just being dramatic, I prom-”

“Then stop.” The words were spoken more as a plea than a demand - Kenma was desperate and it was showing. “We are all worried about you. Bokuto, Akaashi, and Hinata have all been asking me how you’re doing because they know you won’t tell them the truth. Yamaguchi asked me if he should stop hanging around, Kuroo.” The news broke Kuroo’s heart and made jealousy flare up inside of him simultaneously - who gave Yamaguchi the right to be so kind? “Even Tsukishima seems worried. The only person that doesn’t seem to care about how you’re doing is yourself.”

“Because it doesn’t matter!” Kenma was surprised with how loud the words were, but they weren’t shouted out of anger. No, Kuroo just seemed desperate. “You don’t seem to get it, Kenma. No matter how I feel, no matter what I say, or do, or fucking hope and dream for, no matter what nothing is going to change. I could get on my knees and cry and beg Tsukishima to just give me a chance but he won’t. He is happy, and he is in love, and I can’t do anything about it. And even if I could I wouldn’t want to because then freckles would be alone and sad and I would be the one that took his love away from him.”

Kuroo lifted his left hand to settle over his mark, the name of the man who had single handedly torn him down etched into his skin. “I’ve never even gotten to hold Tsukishima’s hand or kiss him or lie down beside him. To take those things away from Yamaguchi would be terrible of me, I don’t wanna take those things away from Yamaguchi.” His eyes were filled with tears and he grew frustrated - why did Kenma have to bring this up? “But it’s really hard some days, Kenma, to even look at Tsukishima. He is so bright it hurts me, and sometimes I fucking resent him for making me feel this way - sometimes I resent him for being my soulmate.” 

Kenma decided talking wasn’t what Kuroo needed and instead stepped forward to hug him, letting his arms wrap around his best friend. He couldn’t do anything to heal Kuroo, couldn’t make him feel better. He could be here, though, and he could hug him. For now that would have to be enough.

*****

It was a usual occurrence now, Kuroo leaving parties to find a place to be alone. It hadn’t always been - he used to be the last one standing along with Bokuto, the two of them serving shots and playing beer pong until everyone else was gone or asleep. They were known as the dynamic duo, always together making sure everyone was having a good time and being responsible, guaranteeing nobody left the party unless they had a safe way to get home. 

He still did those things, but he was one of the first to leave now. He almost never went back home - his apartment was lonely, and when Kenma and Hinata were there it just felt even more lonely. Instead of heading home he went for walks, ending up in different places at different times. 

His favorite place to go was the field of the college - some nights running until he was exhausted was the only way to get him to sleep through the night. The day of his talk with Kenma was no different, and Kuroo disappeared after only a few shots and two games of beer pong with his bro. It was harder at this party - Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were both there, and though they didn’t stay close to Kuroo it was hard for him to keep his eyes off of them. Though Tsukishima wasn’t a huge fan of PDA Kuroo didn’t miss any of the touches they shared and it made his stomach turn. 

He left a little earlier than usual, sneaking out between people who only knew him from the parties they all attended, and then he was off into the night. 

The track wasn’t far from the dorm they had the party in, and only a few minutes after dashing out of the building he was falling onto his back in the middle of the track, the grass soft on his arms and legs. He went to reach in his pocket for his phone, groaning when he realized it wasn’t there. He’d have to get it from Bokuto tomorrow - there was no way he was heading back now. 

“You’re going to give him a heart attack one of these days.” 

The voice startled Kuroo but he didn’t jump, his body slow in reactions from the alcohol in his system. He glanced up to see Tsukishima, a light too bright himself and Kuroo couldn’t help but squint. “Fancy meeting you here.” 

The blonde rolled his eyes and sat down a few feet away from Kuroo. “I’m not sure I would call it fancy when I followed you here.” 

A joke tried to make its way out of Kuroo’s mouth (ohoho, what is it you were hoping to get by following me here?) but he stopped it - those kinds of jokes didn’t feel right when Tsukishima was on the receiving end. “I think being followed defeats the purpose of me running away,” was his response instead, causing the blonde to scoff.

Something landed on Kuroo’s chest and he was surprised to find it was his phone. “Bokuto-San is worried about you, so stop being an absolute ass and message him and tell him you’re okay.” 

“Are you?” The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop them, the alcohol making his facade harder to uphold. 

“Am I what?” 

He’d already made it this far. “Worried about me?”

And Tsukishima, since he was intoxicated as well, was also easier to make speak. “I mostly just think you’re stupid.” The words stung, but Tsukishima continued before Kuroo could responde. “You’ve got so many people that care about you, Kuroo-San, and you’re letting me be your kryptonite? I’m nothing special,even if I am your soulmate. I’m cold and timid, and don’t like talking about anything important. I’m an asshole at best, and you could do a lot better than me, Kuroo.” 

Tsukishima didn’t expect a laugh in response, but that’s what he got. “True you’re all those things at first, but not when you get down to it. I could go on and on all day about how great you are, so I’ll just leave it at this - you’re amazing, Tsukishima Kei. Everyday I’m thankful you came into my life, even if everyday you break my heart. I’m glad that I’ve met you, and I wouldn’t change the fact that I met you for the world. And now that I know Freckles,” Tsukishima rolled his eyes at the nickname, “I would never want to break you guys up. I won’t be able to live with myself.

“I can’t help but dream, though.” This was the furthest Tsukishima had ever gotten in the conversation so he kept quiet, hoping that he could understand Kuroo if he got the elder to talk about his feelings. “That maybe one day something could be different. I’m not sure what, because I really don’t want to break you and Freckles up, but I dream about it, Kei. I dream about you telling me you love me too, dream about listening to music with you, dancing with you, cooking and eating with you, sleeping with you. I haven’t even held your hand before but I still can’t get the thought of doing it out of my head.” 

“I’m trying to make it as easy as possible for you, Kur-”

“I know, I do it to myself, mostly.” He had no shame admitting it, not when it was true. “I could try harder to forget you, but I really don’t want to. Why would I want to forget the person I am destined to be with?” Tsukishima went to speak but Kuroo turned to him, a sad smile on his face. “Even if we can’t be together romantically Kei, I want you to be my friend. I asked you this a year ago and I’m asking you again - please don’t stop being my friend.” 

“I make you sad.” 

“The situation makes me sad,” Kuroo corrected, eyes watching the sky. “But I’m not gonna leave it. You’re it for me, Kei. I know that I could leave this situation and go find someone who wants to be with me even if we aren’t soulmates but I don’t want to, no matter how stupid you think that makes me. It’s probably not appropriate for me to say but I love you, and you as a person make me very happy. Just this all makes me sad. I’m gonna overcome it all one day, and I’ll be happy all alone watching you grow old with Freckles-”

“Yamaguchi.” 

“Yamaguchi,” Kuroo repeated. His eyes were wet with tears but he sat up and smiled nonetheless. “I’m gonna watch you guys grow old together, and I’m going to be fucking heartbroken over it but I got to deal with it if I want to stay close to you.” 

Tsukishima looked surprised. “I’ve never met somebody so hopelessly devoted to something,” he said quietly to which Kuroo laughed.

“Look in the mirror - you won’t give your boy up for anything, not even your soulmate. I’d say that is hopeless devotion.” 

Kuroo was scared he had offended Tsukishima in the silence that followed, but the blonde surprised him with a laugh. “I guess you’re right, Kuroo-San.” 

As if to prove his point his phone rang, his ringtone for Yamaguchi leaving his phone. He answered it, exchanging words with his boyfriend quickly before hanging up, sending a sad look in Kuroo’s direction. “I have to go, he drank too much and is getting sick.” 

Kuroo fought back the ‘Of course you do’ that wanted to slip off his tongue and instead smiled at his soulmate, the tears starting to fall. “Thank you for finding me, and talking to me.” Tsukishima turned around to face him as soon as he stood up, surprised at the tears.

“Kuroo-Sa-”

“I’m fine,” the elder said, falling onto his back again. “I will be fine, just go to your boy.” Tsukishima didn’t want to leave Kuroo crying but Yamaguchi needed him. “Go, kid.” 

With a hesitant nod he did, and Kuroo was left alone again. As soon as Tsukishima was out of sight he let out a sob - it hurt so bad to love someone you never had a chance with. He knew he would be okay one day, he had to be, he just hoped it was soon. He’d already done twelve months, he wasn’t sure he could do twelve more. 


End file.
